So today I took a trip to see someone who I have known for a few years but never had a chance to meet in person, a Person who I have Loved since day one, and never stopped.... She came to see me with her boyfriend because everything was planned all last min, so most of the time I just sat there silent cause I felt really awkward being around her who I just met in person and someone who I wasn't on planning on meeting also.... I feel like my love for her has grown b/c of this meeting and made it worse for me to spend the day trying to keep myself from getting upset. The day goes on and I am doing well, then I basically sobbed in the truck all the way back to the ferry where I said my goodbyes and Got a super long hug from this girl who I love.
So I have been Pondering lately do we get to choose the people we love? Do we choose the friends we have? Or does everything just happen? I know I can choose to be happy in the morning and I know that I control my Life as much as possible, But love? is it just a chemical reaction? I have felt love for a person for so long even if we didn't meet in person how is that a chemical reaction? I don't know how I can change how I feel about someone just like the snap of my fingers.... I wish that was possible, then I would feel like I am in control of who I love and who I want to be with. I guess these are questions everyone ponders at least once in their lifetime. I also ask myself why do I love her so much even though I can't have her, and is the fact that I can't have her fuelling this love? That if I have this one person finally I will feel differently about her and then everything will go to hell again?
There are a lot of unanswered questions here that I wish someone could answer for me, but I think I have to find these answers myself.... Love is almost as complicated at the Well sought after Meaning of life Question... There are many answers to all these questions, I just have to find the right one that will fit me. There are a lot more unanswered questions in my head but there are too many to post here. so I will leave it at that and will post another Blog soon.