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Sunday, April 18, 2010

Ask me anything

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

The Great Quest For Love

So today I took a trip to see someone who I have known for a few years but never had a chance to meet in person, a Person who I have Loved since day one, and never stopped.... She came to see me with her boyfriend because everything was planned all last min, so most of the time I just sat there silent cause I felt really awkward being around her who I just met in person and someone who I wasn't on planning on meeting also.... I feel like my love for her has grown b/c of this meeting and made it worse for me to spend the day trying to keep myself from getting upset. The day goes on and I am doing well, then I basically sobbed in the truck all the way back to the ferry where I said my goodbyes and Got a super long hug from this girl who I love.

So I have been Pondering lately do we get to choose the people we love? Do we choose the friends we have? Or does everything just happen? I know I can choose to be happy in the morning and I know that I control my Life as much as possible, But love? is it just a chemical reaction? I have felt love for a person for so long even if we didn't meet in person how is that a chemical reaction? I don't know how I can change how I feel about someone just like the snap of my fingers.... I wish that was possible, then I would feel like I am in control of who I love and who I want to be with.  I guess these are questions everyone ponders at least once in their lifetime.  I also ask myself why do I love her so much even though I can't have her, and is the fact that I can't have her fuelling this love? That if I have this one person finally I will feel differently about her and then everything will go to hell again?

There are a lot of unanswered questions here that I wish someone could answer for me, but I think I have to find these answers myself.... Love is almost as complicated at the Well sought after Meaning of life Question... There are many answers to all these questions, I just have to find the right one that will fit me. There are a lot more unanswered questions in my head but there are too many to post here. so I will leave it at that and will post another Blog soon.

Monday, April 12, 2010

The Life of NinjaNick

Hey Guys, This is my First Ever Blog so bare with me here. I guess I should Start By Introducing Myself.

My Name is Nick and I live in Burnaby BC Canada, My Life so far has been a crazy ride, I grew up in a small town and ended up getting Bullied Most of my High school Life, which was really hard especially since I was coded with autistic Tendencies, which made it really hard to get through life with that on my shoulder, I have dealt with a lot of Social problems, Unable to explain things well.. I had a hard time making friends I still do, and I have a hard time sticking up for myself so it was easy for people to pick on me. I didn't know who I was or how to act around people. I ended up watching how people act and started learning how to be liked and how to act with certain people, and do certain things... some people called me a tool for doing stuff other people have done but it was just my way of surviving life haha. To say the least I made a few friends that I really hold dear to me in High school because they are still around and care about me now... and I survived High school. After High school I was sick of living in the small town and to live in the City where my dad lives, I went there in the first place for school but the class got cancelled, and I didn't want to go back to the small town.

From 07, on my life kinda stayed a standstill forever lonely with no friends cause I still have a hard time making them and I am living my life on my computer... I have had a whole bunch of friends come and go and also a few girlfriends but I feel like nothing has changed in my life ever since I moved out here, Now I am sick of living in Burnaby and still stuck in this rut, even though I recently finished audio school, I am deciding my life needs a huge change and a jump start so I am planning on moving to Vancouver Island!! Probably not till the end of the summer but I am determined to move there. I know a few friends will be sad that I am moving away but it is only 3 or 4 hours from where I am now so if they really missed me they would come visit me sometime, but I know that no one from my small town will miss me and never visit me because they have never visited me when I am here in Burnaby.... I always go visit them.

But anyways thats as much of my life I feel like sharing right now I will do another Blog in the Next day or so.