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The Great Quest For Love

So today I took a trip to see someone who I have known for a few years but never had a chance to meet in person, a Person who I have Loved since day one, and never stopped.... She came to see me with her boyfriend because everything was planned all last min, so most of the time I just sat there silent cause I felt really awkward being around her who I just met in person and someone who I wasn't on planning on meeting also.... I feel like my love for her has grown b/c of this meeting and made it worse for me to spend the day trying to keep myself from getting upset. The day goes on and I am doing well, then I basically sobbed in the truck all the way back to the ferry where I said my goodbyes and Got a super long hug from this girl who I love.

So I have been Pondering lately do we get to choose the people we love? Do we choose the friends we have? Or does everything just happen? I know I can choose to be happy in the morning and I know that I control my Life as much as possible, But love? is it just a chemical reaction? I have felt love for a person for so long even if we didn't meet in person how is that a chemical reaction? I don't know how I can change how I feel about someone just like the snap of my fingers.... I wish that was possible, then I would feel like I am in control of who I love and who I want to be with.  I guess these are questions everyone ponders at least once in their lifetime.  I also ask myself why do I love her so much even though I can't have her, and is the fact that I can't have her fuelling this love? That if I have this one person finally I will feel differently about her and then everything will go to hell again?

There are a lot of unanswered questions here that I wish someone could answer for me, but I think I have to find these answers myself.... Love is almost as complicated at the Well sought after Meaning of life Question... There are many answers to all these questions, I just have to find the right one that will fit me. There are a lot more unanswered questions in my head but there are too many to post here. so I will leave it at that and will post another Blog soon.

The Life of NinjaNick

Hey Guys, This is my First Ever Blog so bare with me here. I guess I should Start By Introducing Myself.

My Name is Nick and I live in Burnaby BC Canada, My Life so far has been a crazy ride, I grew up in a small town and ended up getting Bullied Most of my High school Life, which was really hard especially since I was coded with autistic Tendencies, which made it really hard to get through life with that on my shoulder, I have dealt with a lot of Social problems, Unable to explain things well.. I had a hard time making friends I still do, and I have a hard time sticking up for myself so it was easy for people to pick on me. I didn't know who I was or how to act around people. I ended up watching how people act and started learning how to be liked and how to act with certain people, and do certain things... some people called me a tool for doing stuff other people have done but it was just my way of surviving life haha. To say the least I made a few friends that I really hold dear to me in High school because they are still around and care about me now... and I survived High school. After High school I was sick of living in the small town and to live in the City where my dad lives, I went there in the first place for school but the class got cancelled, and I didn't want to go back to the small town.

From 07, on my life kinda stayed a standstill forever lonely with no friends cause I still have a hard time making them and I am living my life on my computer... I have had a whole bunch of friends come and go and also a few girlfriends but I feel like nothing has changed in my life ever since I moved out here, Now I am sick of living in Burnaby and still stuck in this rut, even though I recently finished audio school, I am deciding my life needs a huge change and a jump start so I am planning on moving to Vancouver Island!! Probably not till the end of the summer but I am determined to move there. I know a few friends will be sad that I am moving away but it is only 3 or 4 hours from where I am now so if they really missed me they would come visit me sometime, but I know that no one from my small town will miss me and never visit me because they have never visited me when I am here in Burnaby.... I always go visit them.

But anyways thats as much of my life I feel like sharing right now I will do another Blog in the Next day or so.